| why is it... |
[Aug. 23rd, 2005|01:50 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| |  aggravated | ] |
that i cannot go one day without a headache the size of kansas and a stomach ache from hell???? dammit. |
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| new york cityyyyyy bitches! |
[Aug. 9th, 2005|05:48 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| |  confused | ] |
im leaving tomorrow morning to go to NYC to see Against Me! with maggie, corey, and matt, but we're meeting up with fuji and matty. we're spending the weekend at some hotel we are going to get drunk at and trash, and then me and maggie are going to go shopping. im excited beyond belief. i need out of this little hole, even if it is for two days. besides...what more could i ask for? against me!, maggie, fuji, matty, bEEEEEEr, and a hotel room? IN NYC?! hahaha. nothing. except maybe some sexy man with nice tattoos......hhhmmm....? (if you know what i wanted for christmas you know what i want in nyc) im not sure how well s.s. betty (my lovely car) is going to handle this little trip, but we'll see. shes taking me to florida next month......so...we'll see.
im getting a little brother or sister in april. crazy huh? not to mention...we sold our house, so im moving, and my dad is getting married at some point in the future. ive got a lot on my little plate...im a little stressed, but im glad to see that mostly everyone is happy at the moment (except me..but thats not the control of anyone but myself and my surroundings *cough*thistown*cough*). its just all so new. i kind of like it. i cant wait to dress my new sibling up in little punk rock baby clothes, and i cant wait to force him or her into listening to the clash, and rancid, and the sex pistols. ahhh...hahaha! theres going to be a mini-haley!!!!
yea..shits been crazy.....very crazy...theres too much to sum up at once. so im not even going to bother. basically this:
-got more tattoos
-went to tennessee
-went to indiana for staceys wedding
-got laid
-went to RI, NH, and ME to see Against Me!
-went to the beach! (in ME after the show and sang "beginning in an ending" changed the words to Atlantic, not Pacific, and jess and i ran into the water (if you love AM! you'll get it))
-got my heart broken by someone who i thought was one of my best friends
-got wasted. alot.
-hung out with maggie. alot.
-got a dog named Pumpkin Seed
-got a car (S.S. Betty)
uuuhhh...thats about it...there were less exciting more dramatic and sad things in between there but i save the drama. its lame.
im done now. im going to go get ready for nyc cause damn! i really need to shave!!!
"All is quite except for this song, so maybe while im not together i can feel like im not alone...."
Every day has a beginning and ending
just like every life has a start and finish.
July is gone like the gasoline it took to make the circle again.
Florida to Florida, by the way of America.
Cocaine and soda
playing Tetris in our underwear.
We take turns reading letters
I read the haiku and you move your nails across my legs
In your arms, I don't know who I am
taking all I know about nihilism and trying to build it into a life.
With your thought in mind, I walk the streets down to the shore and I sink into the Pacific. This is evrything up to now ending. Ending.
It was nice to believe for a while. |
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| well fuck me sideways! |
[Aug. 4th, 2005|07:35 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| | confused | ] |
i havent done this in a while.
just thought id say..HEY IM NOT DEAD! as far as i know...although...i have been craving flesh lately...and i was bit the other day..by some strange looking half dead man in an alley way...hmmm....
i dont feel like writing much at the moment..so here...
I gave up on you a long time ago
How can you blame me?
We made plans to meet and you never showed
You kept me waiting
They said everything would work out just fine
They said you'd help me
But as it turns out it was all a lie
And they're off someplace far away laughing at me
You've been there for me one time in my life
But it didn't matter
You came and went so fast all my hope
And faith in you shattered
And now here I sit alone in this room
No one to confide in
You watched all my dreams come apart at the seams
You laughed, you left, you waited in hiding
Bless me dark father I have sinned
I've done it before and I'll do it again
Cause it keeps me warm, and makes you smile
You've been beneath me all the while
Hell? Yessss.
You gave up on me along time ago
I can't say I blame you
I rejected the faith in your holy rays
Is what it comes down to
They said everything would work out just fine
I just went crazy
But I'm better now having a good time
Being selfish, and drunken, and vulgar, and lazy (thats right bitches)
Bless me dark father I have sinned
I've done it before and I'll do it again
Cause it keeps me warm, and makes you smile
You've been beneath me all the while
Bless me dark father I can't win
Without you I'm as good as dead
Cause you keep me warm, you make me smile
You've been on my shoulder all the while...
Whispering sweet nothings
Whispering sweet nothings
Whispering sweet nothings
You've been whispering sweet nothings....
everyone knows ive ALWAYS had a soft spot for matt skiba and his musical talent. so fuck off. yes. |
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| NEW YORK CITY! NEW YORK CITY IS....dead? |
[Jan. 11th, 2005|06:19 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | LETDOWN |
| | cassies sister playing piano. | ] |
DEcemBER31st/the1st:
NO! HA! me and cassie went to NYC for new years and it was afuckingmazing. we got to bowery and walked around for a while, went to st.marks, that was crazy shit. i was in heaven...i spent all my money...sad..huh? we saw the rebels @ CBGBs. that was a blast, i enjoyed their set (except for them NOT playing daddy was a drunk). they were all pretty wasted, especially bop, i forgive that because it was new years and had i had alcohol id've been completely blitzed. yea! and you know who i saw? COREY motha fuckin HARTMAN!!!!!!!! hes doing well. im glad. we decided to stay with fuji that night cause the fuckin ho's hanging out with RCR made me want to murder then slit my throat. (ill never understand why guys like girls like that...theyre easy maybe?) we went to some house parties. then heard gunshots in brooklyn.
JANUARY1st:
woke up to these stupid ass bells. so we went on the roof of fujis apartment for cigerettes. the view was spectacular, the air, amazing. it was like 60degrees. and alls i can say is that it was the most beautiful, amazing thing ive ever seen and felt in my life. the view..cloves..2 good pals..and THE MOTHER FUCKING VIEW. that was the thing that blew me away the most. (i was thrilled about the weather too) we basically got the NYC tour from fuji, china town, some random places, the lower east side, soho (where we saw Mike from green day with his damn wife!), time square.
AND...
THE CHELSEA HOTEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah. that was the best thing of the trip. to know that i was walking down the street sid vicious used to walk down stoned and fiending..made me so excited. i was running around talking british asking for my sidney. it was funny.
yeah.
so thats all.
except that:
*work sucks.
*theres no good shows.
*i love my friend(s).
*80s nite rules.
*boys are lame.
*i have a nice ass.
*im horny
*i go to tennesse to see kyle on the 28th.
*im diseased.
*and i need a new tattoo.
thats been my life after the new year. it was so amazing to know that i was NO WHERE near monson when it became 2005. i was with good friends, my favorite rock stars (it brings a tear to my eye calling them that), damn good music, and fucking ....THE CITY man. gives me hope that this year will be something new. |
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| yes, |
[Dec. 30th, 2004|06:40 pm] |
You are Elizabeth Bathory. (The bloodcountess)
Legend tells us that you, this very rich,
beautiful and high born woman tortured and
murdered some 650 young women and bathed in
their warm blood to keep yourself beautiful.
In some stories, it is said you have drank thier
blood as well. You were a sexual sadist on a
grand scale.
Ah vanity is your downfall. For shame!
Which Imfamous criminal are you?
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| the cure are just like heaven |
[Dec. 25th, 2004|08:13 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| |  sad | ] |
"show me show me show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream she said
The one that makes me laugh she said
And threw her arms around my neck
Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I’ll run away with you
I’ll run away with you
Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
Why are you so far away? she said
Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you
That I’m in love with you
Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me"
i read this just now and i made myself sad. *sigh* |
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| "merry christmas from texas ya'll!" |
[Dec. 25th, 2004|05:43 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| |  full. | ] |
christmas!!! my least favorite holiday of the year.
these were the only two things i asked for for xmiss:
i didnt get either. i guess i must have been naughty. i was kind of hoping to wake up and see tom standing there naked with that silly grin on his face and a bow in place of underwear...but i suppose that was a silly dream. i did get the AM! dvd. perhaps ill just touch myself and watch that. haa. haaa.
sooo merry christmas fuckers! and happy new year.
i got my license! that was exciting.
saw LIZARD! that was exciting too. i missed her very much! new years eve me and cassie are going to see river city rebels in NYC anyone who's up for it let me know. we're going to dance the house down.
80s nite this week was fuuunnn. i went with cassie (i always do!) and we danced with travis and nate..which amuses me always..travis's dancing especially. i love those boys! and i love any excuse to look cute. but i have decided ive gotten fatter. which makes me so sad. so now i have to dance like crazy and eat healthy. haha. DANCE MOTHER FUCKER DANCE!
im really not suprised kyle lied to me about having cancer. it makes me sad, but, everyone said so, but he never admited it. i finally got him to. im glad i was the last fucking person he told it was a lie. i just cant believe he let me think this entire time he was sick. whatever. like he said "its all water under the bridge now" im glad he isnt dying at least..but i could never lie to a good friend of mine about something like that. oh well. fuck it.
my dad and i are going to see "darkness" so im going to make like a fetus and head out now. have fun fuckers!
xoxoxo |
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| everyones a liar and i think im BURNING OUT |
[Dec. 19th, 2004|01:03 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| |  fuckin pissed | ] |
im so sick of people lying.
especially about big things.
im done fussin
FUCK EM'
I FOUND MY NEW LOVE, A .357 AND MY BEST LITTLE BACK UP BITCH A BLACK SMITH AND WESSON.
fuck you. |
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| smoking cigarettes hung over so bad..now are the best times ive ever had.. |
[Dec. 10th, 2004|12:03 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| |  amused | ] |
alot has happened these past few weeks...
the highlight of the whole thing was my trip to road island to visit the coolest chick i know (besides cera! hehe), maggie. i got there on a friday..we hung out for a bit..went to thayer street..i think thats it? then saturday i met her father and her step mom..AWESOME! her fuckin step mom is got to be one of the coolest moms ive met. me and maggie drank, i got a new tattoo, and we went to a couple of punk shows. after the last one her friend ditched us so we started to walk around providence and wound up on the tour bus with jethro tull!? insane right..we drank with em and they offered to drive us home in the tour bus, but we decided to take our beers and drink in an alley way instead..haha..we're badass blonde bitches!
the next day i saw god. we woke up hungover and went to boston to see against me!, the bouncing souls, and murphys law. i had an interview to do with AM! (for those who havent noticed...iam in love with that little band from gainsville.) and i was so fucking nervous..so maggie and i just milled around for a while and finally i did it. i was shaking like a fiend, and we sat down upstairs with tom and andrew and did it. we wound up drinking with em, and watching their set on stage. i danced like crazy and just fucking went crazy. it was so amazing. (i thought i saw god..but i think it was just tom gable.) the souls...what i can remember of them were awesome. but didnt live up to against me! aparently we were a good "side show" cause we danced like crazy in super short skirts. fuck em! we had more fun then anyone else there. we left. maggie lost her wallet i vomited and passed out.
i miss her now! and its sad :(
LAST FUCKING NIGHT...
we went and saw lars and the bastards..roger miret and the disasters and APA. it was a good time...i love mr. miret. but lars played..and i decided to wear heals that night...so lars says.. "ive heard girls cant dance.." so i yelled "FUCK YOU" and he says.. "well..i want all you girls to circle pit." so i pulled off my heals and i go to hand them to my dad while hes talking.. i was like, "here, take these." and lars goes, "yeah, hold her shoes for her....you know what? ill take those." and he grabs them. "ive got a bit of a shoe fetish.." he says..then i was like.."dude, the smell like shit" so he fucking smells them. and asks me, "have you been on yer feet all day?" it was halarious. theres more to it but im lazy..haha. he gave me my shoes back then went to give away free shirts. i stuck out my hand and he rolled it up and handed it to me. everyone started to boo him, and hes like, "hey! i had to give it to her she let me smell her shoes!" so i was like.."thanks man" and hes like.."hahaha...NO! thank YOU!!" it was fucking great. i loved it.
im off to work...lovely! wal mart rules! |
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| if i had a dime for every time ive been fucked over.. |
[Nov. 14th, 2004|01:44 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| | aggravated | ] |
id be rich.
iam absolutely hating life at the moment. well...about 85% of life. god..where do i even start. it snowed. that starts it all. fuck the snow. guys are the biggest scam ive ever heard of in my life. they do nothing for me. i cant stand anyone with a cock at the moment (well..with a few exceptions...BOP! hehe. dan wins. oh..and all of the members of skarmy of darkness. they win too. although i do hate them for breaking up..but i need the painful realization that high school is in fact over and we're all growing the fuck up) yes. but ill never understand why i always get fucked over by asshole guys, i guess i go for the wrong ones?? i have no idea. and so last night i get these insane messages from my mom... "haley..my lisence is suspended and i got pulled over...theyre towing my car..i dont know how yer getting home..call me back imedietly" thats a nice thing to hear after youve just been at one of the most amazing shed shows of the season. i couldnt fucking believe it. its just like one amazing thing on top of the fucking other. i feel like im going to be stuck in that house for the rest of my life. im never going to get out of it. i froze last night cause there's no damn heat..and oh boy..you think we could have some hot water. NEVER! HA! whatever. im going to just say fuck it all, and fuck everyone (including wal mart, fuck that place too). i wish kyle was around cause iam planning on moving down there for a little while. im going to come home in time for the new shed season, and then go back. im so sick of everything.
at least jason anderson and the skarmy of darkness show werent disapointments. jason was amazing, he always is. ("please remember that you were my favorite..." oh man. i think i almost died.) hes the best person ive ever met. period. end of discussion.
skarmy put on an awesome show last night. they played all the good songs some new ones, and had some special guests. the only disapointment was not hearing backstabber or SWM. i saw sam, i hadnt seen him in like...2 years? maybe? his band played, which, they one my heart the second they started, i loved it so much, it reminded me of against me! so for that they automatically got like ten million points, i met his friend jake, who was also in his band, he was a pretty rad dude, very cute. i like boys in tight black pants and leather jackets. they always win my heart.
more talk later. i wont bitch anymore about how much i hate life cause there are kids getting molested everyday, or kids fucking freezing to death begging for change for coffee..so i guess i dont have it that bad. i just hate feeling hopeless.
LUNCH!
THEN the MISFITS! |
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| its got me on my knees in a bathroom praying to a god i dont even believe in.. |
[Nov. 4th, 2004|08:26 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| | bad. | ] |
| [ | LETDOWN |
| | rap music. | ] |
DEAR JESUS...
ARE YOU LISTENING?
i got my septum peirced today. its hot. i ditched the monroe (i was sick of the lumps and pain) and got the septum. it made my eyes water like a mother fucker. but it was worth it.
im in a bad mood.
but i rule.
so fuck it all.
dont make me work tomorrow...
hey cera smith!!! (i love you..) JASON ANDERSON SATURDAY!! WOOO! |
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| I REMEMBER HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[Nov. 2nd, 2004|06:57 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| |  tired | ] |
im so sick of working at walmart....it is terrible. worst job ever. that place gets so many fucking people. its so lame. theyre all lucky i dont kill.
HALLOWEEN!
ARGGG!!
i was a pirate. the halloween shed show wasnt as exciting as i had intended on it being, probably because last year was incredible and i was expecting it to be better. but a handful of costumes were worth going for, john b's especially.....he was...celophane man! it was amazing. then THEN! there was a man dressed as a star fish!!! that was the coolest thing ever. kevin looked hot all "punk rock" and travis had spandex on (id have to say that that made my night) cera and steve (who made a very lovely lady!) came late and that made me saddddddd! but after the shed travis, nate (who's had some furry nipples i enjoyed rubbing), and i went to liz's little party. that was pretty fun. i was amused with all the drunk people, but her apartment was tiny!!! well..the hallway was anyway. paul g (hehe) came..and so did justin. it was a pretty hoppin partay. i didnt get home till 4am. woooo! the next day i hung out with mandie and danielle and we got all dressed up, walked around graveyards, blasted samhain thru all the trick-or-treaters, went to fat cats, and saw cute boys. i dont do well in heals...but i look hot!!!!! later we ate at wendys (why?! who knows..) but the thugs were halarious. oh man. i was thoroughly amused. yesssss. they need to sing to me more when i buy gross hamburgers. hahahaahahahaahahahahahaaaa. yeah! later we went to scruffs and sat there (we shouldve stayed at the show!) i like scruff alot, but i was a little bored. oh! we got eggs thrown at us! by mysterious figures with dragging arms that disapear. no fucking lie. it sounds like complete bullshit, and its hard to explain but the three of us are the only ones who know what happened. it was the scariest thing thats happened to me in a really long time. someone followed us thru that graveyard and then disapeared. then someone threw eggs at us and disapeared. whatever. its something i cant explain it was fucking bad.
i must go shower. i look like wal mart. |
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| and what we were doing was the only thing that mattered.. |
[Oct. 26th, 2004|05:53 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| |  wooohooooo | ] |
LETS JUST SAY...SATURDAY WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME EVER. THAT AGAINST ME! SHOW WAS SO FUCKING SPECTACULAR.
IAM NO LONGER DEAD INSIDE.
its shows like that one that make me realize how amazing being alive really is. iam so happy right now.
it was amazing.
more later.
cera and steve time.
YAY! |
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| and THIS is how i feel. |
[Oct. 20th, 2004|04:27 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| |  slightly melancholy | ] |
Sleep on pillows made is Singapore, wrapped in comforters and sweatin through sheets. Drinkin coffee in the morning, and floatin on airplanes, across the vast seas. And your house is made of wood, central air, central heat. You got your furniture on particle board, your doors are locked for, for safety. And your walkin around in shoes, pants of denim, a black cotton sweatshirt. And you do what you do because doing, you start to form a habit. And you drink all night long, and you sleep through the morning. AND IF SOMETHING DOESNT BREAK, I'm just gonna go, GO FUCKING INSANE. And you sweep up the floor when its dirty. You do the dishes, when the sinks full, and when the refridgerators empty well its time its time its time, its time to go the store. You put your books on a shelf, clothes arranged in the closet. You hang the things on the wall that you dont wanna be so easily forgotten (show flyers!) I hate these songs, I hate the words that the singer is singin to me I hate this melody, I hate this stupid fucking drum beat!!!! But I'm not gonna tell anyone what I'm really thinking about. Keep the conversations on the surface just keep on smiling just keep on saying....Everythings gonna be alright...alright....? |
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| my heart..is anywhere but here... |
[Oct. 19th, 2004|02:28 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
..we would dance like no one was watching..with one fist in the air...
i see against me! in...3MOTHERFUCKING DAYS!
im at the library with danielle...still pissed off about yesterday..but also very happy. its nice how one simple thing can make youur day so much better (dispite the clouds....) i cant wait for halloween. danielle, mandy, some boys and me are going to have some 40's..cause some trouble..go to hardcore shows..and walk in graveyards for hours. (did i mention we're also going to look super hot?!)
i start at wal mart tomorrow!! yay!
alright..im leaving this place...walky time!
(PS: buy me cloves) |
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| ITS LIKE...IM THE WIFE OF HALLOWEEN |
[Oct. 18th, 2004|04:03 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| | enfuckingraged | ] |
i wish.
i really cant get over how mad i am right now
i really need cloves so bad. seriously.
this is so fucking pathetic..and i cant stop thinking about it.
i hate it when you care about people so much..to the maxxx..and they shit on you. i guess iam pathetic and annoying. but whatever. that doesnt mean anything. fuck people sometimes. i guess if i had a cock that would be different? but i dont. and its always MY fucking fault.
thats fine.
im done caring.
GOULS...
They're always there to buy me a drink
They're always there to drive me home
But their hand always kind of slips
From my shoulders down to my tits!
Ghouls, they keep me company
It's like I'm the wife of Halloween
Hey! It's a horror movie theme
Hell I know...
They always wants to see monster movies
So they can hold me when they think I get scared
They are surprised when I'm not turned on
By their fantasies about how it's done |
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| say a prayer for me. |
[Oct. 18th, 2004|03:10 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| | GRRR! | ] |
iam so fucking mad right now. for stupid reasons too. whatever. fuck it. I feel pathetic.... fuck it.
ughhhh
*screams*
i better have fun tonight! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 16th, 2004|08:06 pm] |
| [ | black heart |
| | content | ] |
where do i start?
i dont think ive gotten 8 full hours of sleep all week. thursday was a get together at matts. we attempted to watch psycho cop and danielle, mandy, scruff, and i pranked called people..i was thoroughly amused. after we hung out with rob and his friends in springfield. that was pretty damn fun and i got attention from being a paperdoll and i was flattered. it made me feel special (for once?)
*sigh* i love cute boys.
yesterday danielle, jessica northup, and i visited my old highschool. it was sad. i really miss it. as much as i dont..i really do..just having no worries or cares at all. it was delightful. i miss mr. vossen too! he was the best teacher ever. nikki came and picked me up that night and i slept over her house. we went to john palmers where there was a little get together. danny b, john palmer, shawn, mark, mandy, nikki, britt, leah, ryan davis, and nikki were there. (i have discovered that bloody marys are amazing!) i got messed up (way drunk) i decided i like vomiting when i drink. i always feel so fucking amazing after. it was a bad mix of cloves..booze..glow balls..chex..and mary jane..i did some drunk dialing (SORRY KYLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and some drunk IMing..and listened to some new against me! it was so good. i had multiple orgasms. i swear it. (THANKS CORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) oHH! we also watched that "a night in paris" the paris hilton sex tape. it was crazy. it was vile. but yet..i couldnt take my eyes away! ! ! !
im hanging out with danielle tonight. that should be fun! mandys in florida..its going to seem weird without her for 2 weeks!!!!
yeah..im off to call nikki..and get some chow. adios amigos. |
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